You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
