i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
