I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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