you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dick very happy bro
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize