paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
