everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this boner is exhausting
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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