I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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