Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
