I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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