you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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