You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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