I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
