Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
