i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
