so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
