have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
3 2 1 whiskey
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
