I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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