i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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