Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize