I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
