I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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