nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
