He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
