i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I love you. Go after that dick
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
