I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
