Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
