now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
