My nipple is on Facebook.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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