I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
