Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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