Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
