The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
