My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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