capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize