like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
