I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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