spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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