I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
