Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
