yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
