Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
