I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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