If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
