And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
