right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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