4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
