She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
