this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We left the knife in your bed.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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