nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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