Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
