Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize