Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
