the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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