I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
and she was petting her beer can
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize