Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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