toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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