Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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