I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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