I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I DEMAND FORESKIN
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
