He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
