It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize