i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
