So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize
