is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
