Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish i was in the wii world.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
