Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
