Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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