this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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