3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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