Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
