when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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