You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
