you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
