It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i am craving dick and cupcakes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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