If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
