Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
