Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
